rinoahokusai

rinoahokusai

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OMFG how could I be so fucking stupid..?

[Aug. 28th, 2005|05:15 pm]

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Current Mood

rejected

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I loved that man. I loved him more than anyone could possibly imagine. And he cheated on me. Nikki, I'm so sorry I didn't drop his ass like I should have. But I was so blinded by my love, and I'm a sucker for sweet words, I'm so sorry. I hate myself for trusting and believing every word that he ever said to me. I can't believe myself. At first, I was like,"oh man. He is. That fucking sucks." The I felt sad for a while and cried a few tears, then when I woke up today, I was pissed. I've been trying to call that prick all day, and his phone isn't on. I think he's either caught on that I'm gonna give him an earful, or he's just not turning on his phone. God, I just wanna yell at him. I friggin' wrote him a 20 page letter, and I was gonna send it too... And I made him a CD full of songs and a flash CD and I wanted him to have them. I spilled out my heart and soul making that damn package, and he;s ben cheating on me.I;m so pissed and sad. I feel so hurt. I feel betrayed.. I stayed so faithful, and he fucked me over like that! I just can't belive him. I just can't. I wonder if he knows what he;s doing, if he cares. If he has a FUCKING consience. I think not, my friends. I think not. If he did, he'd pay attention to how much I loved him. And now...I don't wanna get close to anyone anymore. I feel like all the "love" he ever expressed for me was a lie. A giant fucking lie that took for the past six months. I hate myself for faling for his shit, even when I knew what he was like. i thought people change. The fucking don't. Oh my Lord, I loved him so much...I gave him my all...I wanted to be with him for much longer than 6 months...Goddamn I can't believe it. I honestly had a feeling that he would, and I expected it, but then it hit me like a wrecking ball. It's hard for me to breathe now. I friggin got grounded for him off my cell phone for a while, just because I didn't care I knew he'd "love" me still after all that. But I was just there for him to feel secure. For him to feel that women want him. Hell yeah, I wanted him so bad. I wanted to do lost of things with him. I even thoght to myself once that I'd lose myself to him. I thought a lot about the future. About having one with him, and it's gone. All gone. Completely gone..I kept telling myself, too, not to get too atached, and he made me open up. He made me feel like I could confide in him and he'd always be....a boyfriend to me, and for what? Now that I've opened up, it was the perfect time to break my heart!? IT'S NOT FAIR! I WAS FUCKING FAITHFUL LIKE A SAINT, AND HURT ME SO BADLY, HOW CAN I KOW WHAT LOVE IS NOW!? SOMEONE TELL ME! GODDAMN I'M SO TIRED OF GETTING HURT FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HOW I FEEL! I HATE YOU, AUSTIN! I FUCKING HATE YOU WITH ALL I'VE GOT! YOU'VE TOTALLY LOST ALL MY RESPECT FOR YOU, AND YOU will ROT IN HELL FOR THIS! Karma, bitch....karma.

I hope everyone else is happy. I love you all. Thakns for taking time out to read this. I appreciate it.

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Ohmigawd school compies are fucj\king gay....

[Jul. 22nd, 2005|10:37 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	dorky	]
[	Current Music	\|	"YATTA"	]

Hello everyone! It's been a helluva long time since I've posted last, so here we go.
For the past 5 weeks, I've been in summer school. Silly me, I know. i should have done better in school. It's actually not that bad, minus the racist bastards. For those that know me, I'm blasian (black+asian), and there was his kid who decided to use me as the fuckin'....racist joke playground, and i got tired of it, so I told his ass off. Ignorant little..- anyways, it's not that bad. Except for the fact that my step dad won't let me take the last few days off, for one, I can, and two, why the hell go if I don't need to be there? Ever since I got my H/P book, I've been using some of the stuff in the book as insults. Yesterday, I called him a frigin' demetor. Suckin' all the happiness out of my life by making me go when i don't have to.
In about 5 days, my sixteen birthday will be upon us. That means if you don't live close to me, send me a friggin' e-card, or here's my addy if you wanna send me a an old-fashioned letter:

Jasmine Johnson
7820 Durbin Drive
Schererville, IN 46375

i'm expecting you guys to send me things!

And also on that day will be me and Austin's 5 month anniversary. I'm very glad to have made it this far. It's creepy in a way because...I dunno...it's on my birthday and all. ~~; He'd better friggin' call me too....
Yeah, the summer's slowly winding down. I feel like I've wasted it 'cause I haven't really done anything. Like vaca or nothing. I haven't been anywhere. And I don't know if I'll be going to Six Flags this weekend. I'm not really up to it, either. I need a god scream. The Raging Bull was the funnest ride I went on there, next to vertial velocity. That was GREAT!!!! Maybe I'll go to the beach with some friends. We haven't done a lot of stuff together. ;; Makes me sad..
And like, some friends, I haven't seen all summer. Like MEl-chan. Band takes up all her space. ( Hint: There's this kid who's reading this as I type, so I'll just badmouth band as hard as I can... ^^ ........QUIT READING!!!!!!!) Yeah, she's got band camp and all that. I love her to death. She's my sista from anotha mista! I feel like such a dork for typing that. But yeah, I wanna get all my friends together for a HUGE going into junior year celebration thingy. That'd be splendid.
Also this summer, Austin's gonna be going to Korea for army businees and such. I really don't mind, minus the whole being gone for forever, and not knowing if we can talk. He's already talking about picking up a Korean chick. And that makes me mad 'cause I'm like...competing with someone that I don't even know yet. And...she'l be everything that i'm not: pretty, thin...smart..all of that. It kind of hurts everytime he brings it up.I wanna just like, yell at him and scream at him about how much I love him and I don't wanna love him to....someone else. I cry about it all the time, and I feel so weak, like...I'm dependant on him. I kinda am. He makes me so happy, and I just love him so much. He just doesn't understand that I'd wait unil the stars fell from the sky, or something else cliche and corny like that. ...maybe I'm just too youung and naive and...stupid to understand what love is for myself.
Enough of that, now about gaming!!! Lately, I've been playing Halo 2 at people houses, and it's quite fun. Sniping people in the face....fun! And I been looking at some games to buy for my PS2. Like...when the Final Fantasy VII game come out, Derge of Ceberus, comes out, I'll be so happy! Like...man! Vincent Valentine is a sexy beast and he totaly deserves his own game! And I've been looking at getting some other DDR games. Extreme is getting kinda old, and I kinda wanna get DDR Max 2 or something. And I want some fighting games. Like the Tekken 5 game. I know it's kinda old, but I wanna play it! I wish that my PS2 weren't broken, either. I may need to buy another one. But I just may wait until PS3 comes out. It's all sexy and sleek and silvery. Looks so niiiice....
I have so much to say, but I can't seem to put them into words at the moment, so i will post next millenium. Matta ne!!!

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Yo yo yo!!! It's Jasmine in the hizzy!!!!! <<; Umm...hi?

[May. 3rd, 2005|08:08 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	bouncy	]
[	Current Music	\|	"Garden of Everything" - Steve Conte feat. Maaya Sakamoto	]

Helloooo everyone!!!! What's up!? I'm here, at the public library again, doing homework! So while I'm here, I thought I'd update you all on my life.

1) School is a blast! I'm doing rather well, and I've been working on this term paper thing. I'm doing a biography on T.S. Eliot. He's a rather boring man, and the only reason I picked him was 'cause he wrote the book the musical "Cats" was based on. Silly, huh? I wish I'd picked the Beatles or Muhammed Ali. Thomas Stearns Eliot did shit. He didn't avoid the draft, he didn't have a cool rock band, he wrote books on social critiquing, and married a nut of a woman. What a waste of my time.

2) I have a new love in my life. Austin. Y'all know him, and prolly hate him, but it don't matter. It's only been 2 months and some weeks since we've been dating, but things are going rather well for me. I'm happy and satisfied. I have nothing to complain about, really, and we're doing out best to make things work because of the distance. I don't care about the age difference or anything, I just don't want anything bad to happen. I love him, and he loves me. We're gonna make his work. I love him.

3) I have only 4 more weeks of school! How trippy is that!? I never knew school wuld go by this FAST! I'm already gonna be a Junior next year! SUGOI!!! I can't wait to graduate and go to college. Maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to grow up, but it'll be a hell of an experience, and I can't wait for it to happen.

Narf, I really don't think I have much else to say. But during the summer, I'll be putting my own personal journal that I carrry around into my LJ, so we'll be reflecting on the second half of my sophmore year I was pretty stupid, but you'll get to watch me grow up...[insert awww's here] Well, until next time........

beware of the killer kittens of hell

Ja ne, minna-san!!!

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